When I think about what I did for this country...
Of course, they don’t like to talk about magic, officially. The things we did in the wars, in secret. We saved this world from the worst of Nazi death magic and what has it come to?
These tacky little skinheads trying to steal my pension, with their filthy mouths and switchblade bravado.
I’ll teach them how to curse for real. I’ll bewitch those blades right up their backsides.
And when they’re done bleeding out, I’ll re-animate their corpses. I'm getting old, I could do with a hand on the allotment.
Author bio: John Xero is John Xero.